You both need to agree, every single time.
What consent DOESN'T sound like
"I'm not sure"
"I don't want to"
"I don't think I'm ready"
"Can we slow things down"
Pulling away or resisting
Being silent or not responding
Agreeing to go on a date
Showing interest in you
There are also laws about who can consent and who can’t
You can’t give consent if you are:
- Under the legal age of consent
- Severely affected by drugs or alcohol
- In a vulnerable position (the other person has power or trust over you)
- Being forced or afraid that someone will use force
- Tricked into thinking the person is someone else
- Under the belief that you can't or have no right to say no
- Mistaken or tricked about what you're consenting to
- Asleep or passed out
- Semi-conscious or unconscious
- Afraid you or someone else will be harmed ("If you don't, then I will…")
- Made to feel too scared to say no
- Pressured, bullied, manipulated or threatened
- Not able to understand what you're consenting to
- Prevented from leaving - locked in a room or car
How to get consent...
Asking for consent doesn’t have to be awkward! If done right, it can be flirty and respectful.
Here are some ways you might ask if you’re in the heat of the moment:
"Do you want me to..?"
"Want to try..?"
"Are you ready to..?"
"Do you like this?"
"Do you want to..?"
"Is this ok?"
"What do you want to do?"
"Do you want to stop?"
"Would you like to..?"
"Are you happy to go further?"
"How do you feel about?"
"How are you feeling?"
"Do you want to slow down?"
"Are you comfortable?"
Talking helps! We’re here for you.
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