We sometimes put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Here are some ways to manage your expectations of yourself.
We form our personal expectations based on attitudes and ‘schemas’ (patterns of thoughts or behaviour used to categorise information). We use expectations to help us evaluate and respond to others.
For example, if we believe that a person has committed a crime, we may process information in a way that feeds into this judgement and attempts to prove it true.
We also use expectations to evaluate ourselves that are based on either what others tell us about ourselves or the subconscious beliefs we hold.
Research suggests that expectations can influence pretty much everything in our lives – from our perception of taste and enjoyment of experiences to the way we perform specific tasks.
Expectations can result in pressure. If you have an expectation of getting good grades in your studies, you might pressure yourself. Others can put pressure on you as well, either intentionally or unintentionally, which can lead to conflict and feelings of stress, disappointment and even shame.
Research suggests that expectations (whether that is pressure from your parents, personal pressure you apply to yourself or even expectations your teacher has of you) can directly impact upon your performance.
This concept is now known as the "Pygmalion effect" which suggests that you are likely to try and meet others' expectations of you.
For example, let's say your teacher or manager tells you that you're a 'slow learner', you might slow down your learning. But if your teacher/manager thinks you're 'bright', you'll pick up on that expectation and try to live up to it.
These expectations then feed in to your behaviour.
People with high self-esteem tend to have high – yet realistic – expectations of themselves, however can become obsessed with striving for perfection.
People with low self-esteem are just as capable, yet tend to be harder on themselves and set more unrealistic expectations that very few people would be able to achieve.
For example, someone with low self-esteem might decide to declutter their room/home. They might set an unnecessarily difficult goal of completing this task in one day. When they’re not able to reach this goal, they berate themselves saying, “I never follow through on anything,” and then the cycle of low-self-esteem and unrealistic expectations continues.
This means that people with really high and really low self-esteem don’t meet their own standards.
“Self-esteem isn’t constant. It naturally comes and goes. It’s also not the best predictor of success or happiness. A better predictor is ‘self-efficacy’, which is our belief in our ability to make positive changes in our life.”
– Amanda, Kids Helpline Counsellor
These tactics might help you manage your expectations:
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