What is cyberbullying all about?

Using technology is a part of daily life. Mobile phones, emails, websites, Blogs, online games and social network sites like Twitter, Instagram and Facebook can be a positive and fun tool to learn, express yourself and keep in touch with friends and family.

Sometimes it seems there is more sad news than happy news about technology, with the media reporting lots of stories about how technology can be used to hurt other people. You may have heard news reports about the impacts of cyberbullying and you may even have experienced cyberbullying yourself. From what young people are telling us, cyberbullying is an ongoing issue.

Bullying vs other types of conflict

It’s important to remember that not all fighting or arguing is bullying. It is normal to have times when you have conflict and arguments with people. So, it is important to learn how to deal with conflict. Bullying is different to having an argument or a fight.

There are four things that can help you identify bullying over a normal argument between friends. Bullying is targeted and persistent behaviour that is intended to:

• demean
• intimidate
• embarrass, or
• harass

Bullying also involves:

• an imbalance of power – for example a group ganging up on an individual or someone much more confident picking on someone who is less confident
• repeatedly picking on someone over the phone, email, website or online forum (for example, sending messages to the same person over and over)

So, how is cyberbullying different to bullying?

Basically, cyberbullying is an extension of bullying but the people doing the bullying use technology such as websites, text messages, social networking sites and emails to embarrass, demean, harass, intimidate or threaten other people.

What young people have been saying to Kids Helpline about cyberbullying:

Our counsellors have responded to lots of children and young people who are dealing with a range of different ‘cyberbullying’ related issues. We hear reports of cyberbullying that can range from situations such as arguments between friends that get out of control, to groups of young people deliberately targeting other young people.[2]

In a survey Kids Helpline conducted about cyberbullying some of the things young people told us included:

• ‘I was paranoid that people read what they were saying about me and that people judged me because of it’
• ‘I still feel scared and like I can’t trust people like there going to turn on me… it is very hard for me to make friends even to this day even though it was over five years ago.’

Our survey also asked young people to let us know ‘what advice would you give a friend who is being cyberbullied?’

Here are some responses:

• ‘Don’t be afraid of telling, it is the best thing you can do!’
• ‘Don’t try and get even’
• ‘Blocking is your best friend!’
• ‘Don’t take what they say to heart… there will always be people that love and care for you and they are the ones who really matter.’

Why is cyberbullying so hurtful and why do people do it?

Cyberbullying can be so hurtful because the bullying can often be very public. Mean messages left on a Facebook page are not just seen by the person being bullied but might also been seen by all their friends. Often the person being bullied can’t get away from it because the messages come through on their mobile phone, to their email account or on their Facebook page, Instagram or Twitter feed.

There are lots of reasons that young people bully others. Sometimes it’s about trying to become popular, or to intimidate or make someone afraid of them. Sometimes it’s a reaction to being bullied themselves or because they are jealous of the person they are bullying.

We can help you build your confidence and speak your mind.Jackie, Kids Helpline Counsellor

What can you do if you’re being cyberbullied?

There are always different ways to deal with a problem of bullying, whether it’s at school or online. It may also depend on who is doing the bullying and how it started. It is important to keep in mind that dealing with bullying is about finding a solution that works for you. Sometimes it can be really hard to reach out for help or tell someone because you are concerned that people won’t understand, know what to do or that it will make the situation worse.

There are important things that can be helpful to remember if you are being cyberbullied:

• it is NOT your fault
• there is help available (teachers, parents and counsellors can all be helpful people to talk with about your situation)
• you can block the bullies from sending you messages or emails or stay offline for a while
• you can get help from the police and take legal action if needed
• it can help to keep copies of abusive messages that are sent to you because they can be used later as evidence. This might include taking a screenshot and saving it

Useful things to remember when communicating online (to help sort out/avoid some conflict!)

When communicating using text messages or emails it is important to remember that the people who read it don’t get to hear your tone of voice or see your facial expressions. This can lead to potential confusion and can then result in conflict. Sometimes you may even be perceived as a bully.

Sometimes school conflict can become a bigger problem and people can start to bully others over something that initially started as an argument. To help with this, we’ve included some tips to avoid fights and disputes that are occurring online:

• remember that things can be misinterpreted. If you have a reaction to something someone has said in an email or online you might want to think about whether replying online is the most effective way to communicate with them
• be mindful of the people that you involve in an argument. Have a think about whether you need to bring them in and be careful using the ‘reply all’ function or including everyone in a group in a message
• if you are posting photos or videos of your friends be aware they might feel embarrassed so make sure you check with them first
• avoid using sarcasm in text messages and emails – people often can’t tell when it’s being used.

It’s important to respond when you see others being cyberbullied!

If you see someone being cyberbullied, it is really important that you do not just watch it happen or worse, join in. Report the bullying to someone who can help, like an adult or use the report features on the particular social media site. If you are feeling confident, let the bully know that what they are doing is not cool. Take a stand against it. If everyone acts when they witness cyberbullying, it will go a long way to stopping it.

Reaching out for help is really important… and should not be seen as weakness

If you are having issues with anything that has been mentioned it is really helpful to talk to someone you trust. Research tells us that most young people do not perceive bullying as being ‘cool’ and would help out their friends if they knew what was going on. Our survey showed that most of the young people who told someone about being bullied (particularly a friend and/or adult), found it was helpful for them.

We're here for you. Give us a call anytime :)Peter, Kids Helpline Counsellor

If you are concerned about cyberbullying, you can visit the esafety website to find out what you can do. If you are not sure about what to do then contact us for a confidential chat and one of our Counsellors can assist you.