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When parents separate or divorce
It can be rough on the whole family when parents split up. You don’t have to go through it alone.
There are lots of reasons why parents may split up…
Many parents choose to split up because of issues within their relationship.
- Sometimes it will be one parent wanting to leave the relationship - other times the decision will be agreed upon by both parents
- Parents might choose to live apart for a while – then they may decide to live apart permanently
- If they are legally married, they could choose to get divorced
Remember that it’s their choice - it’s never your fault. And it’s not up to you to try and fix things between them.
It’s ok to feel…
When parents split up it can be a lot to deal with!
It might bring up some of the following emotions:
Sadness that your family is changing
Worry that things are changing or uncertain
Anger that your parents couldn’t work things out
Fear that you may not see one parent as much or at all
Relief if your parents were fighting or things felt tense
Confusion around why your parents are splitting
Loneliness if you can’t talk about it with anyone
Grief because your family is going to be different
It can help to prepare for some changes ahead
Not everyone will go through the same changes, but here are some things you might want to ask your parents about:
- Living arrangements: you may primarily live with one parent or spend equal time with each
- Family time: you might not see one or both parents as often
- School: if you move house, you might need to change schools
- Different routines: e.g. one parent drops you off at school and the other parent picks you up
"My parents are getting divorced and I don't know what to do."
How to deal
It can take time to adjust – and there’s no rush!
In the meantime, there are things you can try that might help you cope and make sense of things:
Focus on your goals
Have something to look forward to in the future
Keep doing the things you enjoy
Take regular breaks from worrying
Talk about it
Share your worries and frustrations with your parents, if you can
Ask questions
It’s ok to be curious about what’s happening
Keep up routines
Hanging with friends, sports, homework
It’s ok if you’re not sure how to feel - just try and let someone know what’s going on for you and get support if you need it
This content was last reviewed 19/07/2018
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